She let go

She Let Go
by Rev. Safire Rose

Artist: Annelie Solis

She let go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgements. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyse whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

ummm can I call this Day 1 again??

ok today was a good day.

I enjoyed a most delicious Eggcel smoothie, a simple one, with 1cup Eggcel with fresh pineapple, blended, and devoured. That was breakfast. A great start!

Then an early lunch with my beautiful neighbour from Papamoa, and we went to my favourite local cafe, Luscious. A super yummy green salad was enjoyed with a trim flat white. And not a green lettuce salad, but one with brussell sprouts, courgettes, beans and other green veges I can't remember. But it was goooood. And so was the coffee ;)

The afternoon was all about the awesome Thermomix demo I was given at home. I'm going to become a consultant so I can share my love of this truly amazing kitchen tool. Why buy almond butter when you can make your own? Raw food now can be made super easy. I was drooling when Yvonne, the Thermomix expert was explaining how to make a raw cheesecake ... delish! SO yeah, if you're keen to see one of these puppies in action, let me know! Yeah, helps if you're in Auckland!

I had half a protein bar today, one of my own amahzing Honest Food Protein Bars. I created these purely to give consumers a choice. The choice of a real protein bar. Grain free, dairy free, with no added sugar. And high in protein as well, there's at least 25g protein in a 50g bar. They are so fulling, which is why I could only eat half! My favourite is the Heilala Vanilla Almond. Heaven!

We went out to dinner, to our local fav Thai. I did have some rice, I must admit, and I am paying for it now, laying in bed, writing this blog with a good bloat going on. Ugh. So next time, no rice.

So, all up it's been a great Monday, and a great first day back to basics!! How was your Monday?

xx


PS Lots of pics taken today, posted on my Instagram account. Do follow, check 'em out and heart x

What the hell happened?

I haven't posted for a week, and I could say it's because I've been so damn busy hitting the gym, juicing my greens, making Eggcel smoothies, and just being plain awesome. But I haven't. I fucked up. I fell hard. My tank hit empty and I felt like I've been just in a messed up pattern of just going through the motions, having no breakfast, eating something small but healthy for lunch and then having absolute crap food for dinner. Oh with dessert.

Yeah. It's been like that, and I have been so ashamed to blog, to admit I fell hard. But like anything that's not good for you, you realise it (sooner or later) and know this is the wrong path. And I am totally on the path of not giving a shit, and there's no excuse for it. None at all. So I've committed to getting back to basics, again. I didn't say this was going to be all glitzy and happy happy, ta da here are some abs. Hell no. This is my real life here. It used to be easy for me. It was what they say down these parts, a piece of piss (excuse the language, but yeah, I can swear a time or two!).

My lows have been more common and longer than my highs, and it's time to put a stop to it. Little physical activity with shitty sugary carby foods just make it worse, and the fog thicker. So enough is enough.

So, if you're still following, thank you. And please do keep bearing witness to my failures and successes, as the successes are to come, I can guarantee it. I have no one but myself to blame for my lack of commitment to my goal. I am totally over feeling bloaty and dead tired after overdosing on carbs. I have put on over 1kg of the 2.5kg I did lose in 2 weeks. So I'm still winning, just not in the lead, kinda more like 4th place. If this was a race.

I have decided that to keep myself on the path I will blog every night, no matter what. So be warned, this could mean a post with just not much going on. But hey, that's ok right?

And if you too are struggling, I'd love to hear about your journey. You can post a comment here, or on my Honest Food Co facebook page. I will Instagram the shit out of my meals, my workouts, anything and everything that keeps me on task.

And if you see me lingering outside KFC or the like, tell me to back the fuck away. Thank you xxx

uh yeah ... that feeling

Where has the time gone?

It is now Monday, 15th April. Almost 2 weeks in on my 30 day back to basics challenge.

As you know, I've been mainly by my nana's bedside at the hospital. My very brave nana passed away last Wednesday afternoon. If you are in Auckland, and remember that burst of rain last Wednesday when the heavens seemed to have opened up ... yep, that was the gates of heaven opening up for my nana.

Since then, the rest is blurry. Too many tears, too much heartache. I think I'm all cried out to be honest. My cousin and I took it upon ourselves to organise our nana's funeral, so our mums could mourn and not have to worry about the details.

We had family from Aussie come over to farewell Nana and it was so good to connect with them face to face (instead of the usual Facebook time).

Nana's send off on Saturday morning was just perfect. I know we did her proud.

Through it all I was standing strong to my goal, and keeping off the wheat and other nasties. But I did falter a few times. On purpose. Not through any emotional stress, even though there was enough of that, but just because I was hungry and honestly didn't have the energy to create a clean meal for myself, and also hadn't been food shopping the entire time other then ducking in to the supermarket to get food for my daughter for kindy.

So we didn't eat superbly well throughout this time. We didn't eat horrifically bad either. Just in between.

I ate bread with my free range chicken and vegetable soup for example. I had a few bites of the most divine chocolate brownie from Cafe Luscious in Onehunga. Don't regret that at all.

I also ate 2 burgers and a handful of fries throughout the past 2 weeks and had one dessert. Not bad. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. They were delicious! And they also didn't make me want to chuck it all in and eat more crap. So I'm happy about that.

I think you can see the difference?

I'm down 2kg, definitely not where I expected to be halfway through the 30days, but I also didn't expect to be grieving for my beautiful nana.

I'm hitting the gym tomorrow. I can't bloody wait. It's been too long, and the gym and I used to have a beautiful relationship, only short visits, at least 3 times a week, but man they were goooood times. I'm looking forward to that again. Hope Jett's haven't blacklisted me ;)

My favourite local cafe, here is the delicious chicken soup ... and a piece of ciabatta

We only had a few bites each, and the rest was left ... oh the horror!

This is why I love Cafe Luscious! Oh and the maybe could be spanish woman behind the counter. She makes the place!

Day 4, 5 & 6

The last 3 days have been a blur of hospital carparks, coffee, doctors, nurses, medication and lots of crying. The one thing that stands out from it all is the amazing strength and pride from my nana. She is truly an inspiration, I have seen her through new eyes these past 5 days. Not just as nana, someone who is always just there, not just an elderly lady who loves her bingo and her grandkids and great grandkids, but just more. I sit in awe of her, laying in her hospital bed, struggling to breathe, no appetite and hardly able to sip water, but able to come out of consciousness to join in our conversations we are having around her bedside, either with a specific detail that we can't fathom how she remembers from years ago, or a little quip that has us bursting out loud with laughter, and crying for the woman that we all love so much. She is always surrounded by whanau, morning and night, and we are blessed to have three generations around her.

I feel blessed that I have been able to have this time to literally study my nan. When it seems like it's time, and the nurses say it is so, we are there watching every breath, studying her face for any signs of pain, watching her every movement, being there, really being there for her. I am so grateful to her, as we feel that nana is giving us time to mourn and grieve now so when it's her time, we can smile and know that she is truly in a better place.

I said to my daughter, because of mema (great grandkids call her this :)), you have your nanny who had mummy, and mummy had you. It really hit home how as a woman we truly are powerful within, and hold the world in our hands.

It was my mum's 60th birthday on Saturday, and at 12.02am my mother gave nana a kiss as she was still living, and this in itself was the greatest gift she could've ever given her. Nana quickly opened her eyes, grabbed mum and gave her a kiss and said Happy Birthday Linda. And then went back to sleep. How amazing is this woman.

And through all this I have maintained eating clean as much as possible, and even with little sleep and being emotionally and physically drained, it has shown me that food is just food. Purely an energy source.

I can only imagine what my nan is feeling and it reminds me of this quote:

"A strong woman became strong because of all the pain she has faced and won"

This is an unbearable thought, seeing how strong my beautiful nan is ...

Nana's hands clasped, waiting ...

B xx

Day 2 & 3

My nan is in hospital. Heart and lung failure due to her battle with cancer over the past 2 years. It sucks. Bad. I didn't want this though to be used as an excuse to go off course, so before heading to the hospital early yesterday morning I stopped into good ol' Pak'n'Save supermarket and bought some tuna, chicken, and salads. Oh and a bottle of water.

The day was a haze. Emotional rollercoaster, was my nan going to survive the hour, the morning, the afternoon ... the evening? She's a tough bloody cookie that one. We are made from strong stock that's for sure.

Drive home through Auckland Domain

Happy to say nan did survive the night, and is still battling on today. She has been made as comfortable as possible, and we honestly don't know how long she can fight back. Doctors said she wouldn't make it past midday yesterday. That's my nan xx

love black beans

This was Day 2. All day at the hospital with my nan. Eggcel for breakfast and 2 coffees
throughout the day until dinner, where I had chicken breast and more beetroot salad.

This beetroot salad was delicious. The chicken in the can, not so much,
but proud of myself for choosing this over Subway or Muffin Break at the hospital.

Today was about my nan getting as comfortable as possible. This helps.

I do feel less bloated and heavy. My mum even noticed it in my puku (for my non kiwi readers, that's maori for stomach) and face. YUSS.

Home for a sleep and back at the hospital in the morning. For my customers, I'm sorry if your order hasn't reached you yet. Please bear with us, as they will all go out on Monday.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

B x

Day 1

I woke up this morning feeling a tad anxious to be honest. I don't really know why, it's not like I'm about to climb Mt Everest. I'm just giving up sugar and wheat really. There was no real planning involved for today, even thought it was Day 1. Not the brightest start, but hey, if you know me, you know I'm not one for planning.

So this morning did I eat within 30 minutes of waking, like I recommend? NOPE. I ate around 11am. I think.  Will check what time I posted my instagram pic of my meal. Ha! Turkey and green salad, with radish and capsicum. It was divine. I was starving. Also not the brightest start, being starving. But I just wasn't hungry at all this morning, it was like I had switched off my appetite completely. I know I say to just push through it and make an Eggcel Smoothie at least to my Stripped in Six Weeks Challengers, but yeah ... nek minnit ...

So after my turkey salad I felt amazing, and rearing to go. I still hadn't had anything to drink. One of my major issues, it's amazing I'm even walking around with the lack of hydration, but that's how amazing our bodies are. Mine has just worked with it and done what it needs to do with the very little water it is given every day.

I joined up at Jett's. Easy process and the staff member was fantastic. I celebrated this step with a trim flat white. small. from McCafe. Yep, nothing fancy here, but it tasted goooood.

As I started eating so damn late in the day I was well behind, and by the time I looked up from my pile of work it was around 3pm so I nuked some Eggcel in a bowl, and ate it with a small piece of gluten free bread and a tbsp of tomato sauce. Yep this is how fancy I eat when I'm clean eating. So I don't think this blog will have foodie followers at all!

Tonight I went to the induction at the gym, got my swipe card, and I'm all good to go, yee har! Realised I was super hungry, so I ate a few feijoas from our tree as soon as I got home. Yummmm, love love feijoas!

Then for dinner, it was peanut satay chicken and lots of veges. No rice. What a superstar ;)

I also took some before photos this morning. Ugh. I can't bear to reveal them just yet. Even I had to look twice at them, as if they weren't of me, even though I had just taken them. Oh and I weighed myself at the gym tonight. That will be revealed later as well.

My inner voice was spouting some interesting things today, I'm going to keep a close ear to her. Just little things like "go on, a bit of rice won't hurt. No one will know" was one lovely little whisper this evening ... and it's only Day 1. This sheet is going to get interesting!!

Oh should also mention my not so healthy sleeping habits. Got to sleep about 2.30am this morning, and up at 7am. Yep, sleep promotes weight loss. Yep, I'm an egg for not going to sleep by 10.30pm.

Here are some pics of my day, see you tomorrow x

Turkey & Green Salad, meal 1

My beautiful daughter :)

Eggcel cooked with a piece of gluten free toast and 1tbsp tomato sauce, meal 2

I did it! 1 month membership, $99. Are you ready Jetts!?

I expected a small box of a gym. Wrong!

This is how long it's been ... watching tv on the actual equipment while doing cardio.
Luckily I don't do cardio ;)